Internal Family Systems
Part of you says everything is fine… but then another part seems to say “We are not OK!”
It’s like an ongoing, never ending internal battle between two, three, or twenty different parts of yourself.
Part of you wants to live in the present, but another part is always thinking about the future (or dwelling on the past.
Part of you wants to be more disciplined, but another part wants to watch TV.
Part of you thinks you can tackle these changes on your own, but another part says to seek help.
Sometimes these internal battles are minor, and harmless
But other times they seem to tear us apart.
Oftentimes, a part of you carries some painful memories, while other parts try to keep those memories out of your awareness.
These memories might have to do with people in our lives – people we love. Or should love…
This internal battle is intense – parts of us want to remember and parts want to forget, parts want to hate the person and others want to love the person.
How can we know what direction to go in, or how to handle these contrary thoughts and feelings?
The truth is, these internal battles are extremely normal
In fact they’re pretty much universal.
I’ve talked with many people who thought that they were crazy because they had this experience of having different parts.
They thought that it meant they had a split personality, or in some way were vastly different from normal, healthy people.
But they aren’t crazy. In fact, it’s so normal to experience this sense of multiplicity, that there is an entire approach to therapy built around it.
And that approach is called Internal Family Systems, or IFS for short.
Let’s hear what each part of you has to say
Chances are, if we listen closely, we’ll find that each part of you, even those ones you most dislike, have something good to bring to the table.
When we have negative experiences, different parts of us respond to it in different ways – and that’s fine!
Many of these parts are working hard to protect you from something bad.
But what often goes wrong, is that these parts end up fighting with each other, and since they have no leader, they tend to get more extreme in how they operate.
And then we end up with this intense feeling of internal conflict, and achieving our goals becomes a matter of helping the part we like, to defeat the part we don’t like.
But what if there was a better way?
Here’s what it looks like…
In IFS, we take some time to slow down. We get familiar with the parts of you that are vying for attention or control. And we listen thoroughly to what each of them is trying to say.
Then we ask them to allow some space – just like members of a team will allow space for the leader of the team to use the information and make a decision.
When parts of you are willing to give you that space, the internal conflict settles down and there’s something new that emerges…
Confidence, clarity, calm, courage, connectedness, creativity, curiosity, and compassion. These are the traits that show up, when all the activity starts to quiet down.
And from that place, you have what you need to navigate all of life’s decisions, and to do so with an ease and confidence that you might not have known you could have!
Discover a new capacity for understanding yourself
Many people don’t step into doing this personal work. Sometimes they’re afraid of what they might find if they look inside. Other times they worry that it’s just too much going on, and that they won’t be able to make sense of it all.
Don’t allow yourself to believe this lie. This is work that you can do. All these parts of you – they want your good. They just need some help with understanding how that happens. But deep down – when you really get to know yourself – my belief is that you’ll discover something really great, someone you can like, someone you can love and accept.
If part of you is giving reasons not to call, or saying you don’t need therapy, that’s OK. But see if that part of you is willing to allow you the chance just to make a phone call. I am here and ready to talk with you. Let’s talk about how Internal Family Systems can work for you. Call me today: (480) 466-0756.