Group Therapy
Are you wondering, “Am I alone in this?”
Outbursts of anger toward your wife or kids.
Addictive patterns.
Falling into laziness again and again.
“Masculine identity?” What does that even mean?
The truth is that people don’t talk a lot about their problems.
You probably don’t either.
Usually, when someone struggles with something, they keep it to themselves at first. They want to make sure that this is OK to struggle with and that it isn’t “weird or anything.” So they look around to see if they notice it in others.
And what do they see? A bunch of other people are doing the same thing.
And since no one is saying anything, people feel it’s best to keep it inside – to act like everything is “fine.”
But let’s face it: This act can’t go on forever.
When you don’t get the support you need…
I’ve known many men who try to deal with their problems on their own.
Many of them languish.
When they operate in “lone wolf mode,” they severely handicap their ability to tackle whatever they face. They struggle up against it, but without the wisdom and support of others, they continue to fall short.
They face two options: Either drive themselves crazy as they fight a losing battle or completely throw in the towel. And neither of those exactly paints a picture of a healthy person, right?
Some find a little headway and have painstaking progress.
They trudge along, two steps forward and one step back. They make it through a day without a relapse – phew! Tomorrow it gets a little harder. Maybe they hold on tight and make it through that one, too. Sometimes these guys get weeks, months, and in a few cases, even years under their belts. And the whole while, they feel the loneliness of battling on their own.
None of them flourish.
One married man decided to deal with his addictive behavior on his own. In reality, he didn’t actually make that decision. He just never decided to seek help. For years it went on – a few weeks of progress, a setback. A few months, another setback, and four months of bingeing. Another few months, finally a year of progress, and another setback. After 25 years of this cycle, he realized that he had never made any real progress but had just been floundering in a sea, barely staying afloat.
You’re not alone in this. See for yourself!
Talk to other men wrestling with their desires to be better husbands, fathers, brothers, and sons.
Hear what they are dealing with and what they have tried.
Learn about what has helped and what hasn’t helped.
Help others tell their story and find healing.
Build lasting friendships that are set on a foundation of authenticity.
Realize that others are in it with you!
Here’s what it looks like…
Groups are made of about 7-10 men. I meet with potential group members individually first to ensure they are a good fit for the group. Once we have enough interest, we establish a meeting time and start date. Groups meet weekly for about 90 minutes to two hours, depending on the size of the group. Typically members of a new group will commit to coming for at least 12 weekly sessions. After that point, the group can decide whether to disband or continue meeting and whether to open the group membership up to other members.
In the first meeting, we establish ground rules and get to know each other. We go over important topics like confidentiality, respect, and honesty. The group needs to be a place that feels safe to be open and honest. We share a bit about our stories and what’s bringing us to the group. Depending on the group’s topic, we might start to dive into some learning and content.
Many of the groups at St. Joseph Counseling are for men dealing with sexually addictive behavior. For these groups, we work through some structured content adapted from Patrick Carnes’ book, Facing the Shadow. We’ll do check-in at each group to see how things are going for each member. Then we’ll go over the homework from the previous group and hear from each member about their experience working on it.
Next, we get into what we are focused on for the day. Examples of this might include: learning about the addictive cycle, defining sobriety, making a plan for sobriety, understanding the role of trauma, practicing good accountability, talking to wives and loved ones, etc. Group members are also encouraged to hold one another accountable for their commitments by staying in touch outside of the group.
Don’t go it alone!
Getting into a group of others with a similar struggle can really be intimidating to think about. “If I show up here, everyone automatically knows that I have a problem with sexually addictive behavior/anger/masculine identity.” This is certainly something to overcome, but I can assure you: the relief you’ll experience after even that first group session of sharing and hearing from others will far outweigh the cost of the courage it takes just to show up.
Many men think it’s strange to participate in group therapy. I say that’s a lie that our culture sells us. It’s more of the “lone wolf” garbage. I think there are few things more admirable than a group of men who come together with a similar goal: to help each other become better men.
Let me hear from you if you have some hesitation. It’s OK to be nervous about something like this. I’d love to talk to you about it and help you decide if it’s right for you.
Share your own story and discover a group of men with a common mission: to grow, heal, and flourish.
Join us… and be the best man you can be!
Let’s talk about whether group therapy makes sense for you. Call me today: (480) 466-0756.