Catholic/Christian Integration
That nagging feeling that you’re missing the mark…
It’s so common for Catholics and other Christians.
Sometimes, there’s a concrete issue – some sin or problem – that continues to come up. Outbursts of anger with your spouse or kids. Relapses into addictive behavior. Constantly worrying about what other people think of you.
Other times, it’s more vague – a feeling of not being good enough… or not doing something you SHOULD be doing. A sense that you’re wasting too much time. A voice of criticism that speaks up when others compliment you: “They don’t know the REAL you.”
Part of you always seems to think you’re letting God down.
The burden feels too heavy to carry after a while.
There’s a high cost to carrying these burdens. It really takes a toll on how you see yourself, others, and the world. Some people develop a powerful lone wolf mentality – “I’ve got to get through this on my own because other people don’t understand/don’t care/won’t accept me if they know about it.” The idea is, “If I can’t get through this on my own, then I’m just not trying hard enough.”
For some, it breeds anger and criticism. They get angry with themselves for not overcoming it. Angry at others for not being supportive. Even angry at God for not showing them the path through it. They find fault with themselves and with others, and this chips away at those close relationships – leaving a chasm of isolation around them.
And for others, it becomes this intense guilt and despair. The guilt pops up when it’s least expected, to the point it’s become a regular part of life. Every step feels like the wrong step. Then fear and despair rear their heads, and the hope of emerging from this pit starts to fade. Friends and family notice what seems like depression – or is it paralyzing anxiety? What’s even the difference?
“I know I am good.”
Even when you say it… are you convinced of it?
It’s so easy to imagine God looking down and seeing all our errors and shortcomings. You have this foundational belief that God loves you so much and that he will give you your heart’s desire and equip you with the tools you need to overcome your problems. Yet somehow, you feel unequipped, unhappy, and that it’s your fault.
There’s so much pressure to be a certain way, to live a virtuous life, and the impact of the burden makes you wonder if it would be easier to turn from God and live your life your way. But this doesn’t seem like an option, so you double down on living the Christian life. But then it starts to feel like a double life. What is the answer!?
On this mental battlefield, it’s easy to see how you start thinking that you have to choose between following God and being happy.
And feeling the constant pull of the world doesn’t make it any easier.
We’re told that living a life of virtue is pointless and that we should do whatever feels good in the moment. To binge Netflix or play video games for hours at a time. To pursue wealth and riches as the source of happiness.
We’re told that going to church on Sundays or weekdays is pointless, and straining to avoid temptation and sin is just a waste of effort.
We’re told that we only have value if we contribute something meaningful to the world, and prayer is useless. So we busy ourselves with constant action.
It’s hard to stay focused when you’re always receiving messages that your efforts to be a Catholic are vain and pointless.
I understand these concerns. I’ve been there myself.
When a Catholic decides to look for a therapist, it can be especially difficult to find someone who feels like a good fit. You don’t want someone who will dismiss your concerns as that “Catholic guilt” that you just need to let go. And your therapist must understand your worldview: where you’re coming from and what’s important to you… what’s okay and what’s not okay with you.
I get it.
That’s why I want you to know that I can meet you right where you are in your faith. In my training at Divine Mercy University, there was a strong focus on integrating our Catholic faith’s philosophical and theological frameworks with research-based therapeutic approaches and interventions from the secular world. My work is always informed by a Catholic-Christian understanding of the person, regardless of whether we explicitly discuss faith matters.
Let’s take a look at our work together…
When we struggle with a particular sin, vice, or addictive behavior, our natural tendency is to white-knuckle and avoid it – using every ounce of our willpower to stay away from it. But then this polarization builds up in us – a real conflict between the part of us that wants it and the part that doesn’t. A man wants to be courageous and speak his mind, but instead, he finds himself feeling afraid and staying silent – he feels cowardly.
What if there was another way?
What if we focus on these thoughts, feelings, and desires that drive us to do things we don’t like? What if we discovered that these desires were trying to communicate something important to us – a legitimate need that we have been neglecting? This helps us get more in touch with what’s going on under the surface – in those deeper parts of our minds of which we’re generally less aware. That cowardly voice says, “You’ve been hurt – hurt badly – when you spoke your mind before. You need to keep quiet to make it through this life.”
With this greater self-awareness, we can start to work toward healing from hurtful memories and experiences that may influence your struggle. You can start to step more into being the person you want to be instead of the person that you’ve felt you had to be. The fearful voice can be transformed: “I’ve been hurt – but I was younger then. I can take care of myself and speak my mind without being hurt in the same way.”
This is the long-term solution – it’s what helps you find lasting and real change in your life. But it helps to have practical tools and strategies along the way. In our work, we take up the tools the church and the saints provided us, intending to start seeking positive change as fast as possible.
It’s okay to ask for help!
If you are a Catholic looking for a therapist who will respect and understand where you are in your faith, you are on the right page.
There might be a voice that says, “You’re weak for seeking help,” or “This isn’t bad enough to seek therapy; just try harder.” Or maybe it’s worried about taking on a task that seems like too much work. Ask those voices to settle down for a minute and to let you try something new. You have survived every burden and barrier you’ve come across to date – you can certainly take this step and continue on the path of growth and healing.
Give me a call today. Let’s have a conversation about taking the next step together: (480) 466-0756.